Really long sci-fi movie gets even longer

Really long sci-fi movie makes headlines by stating it will be re-released with more material, making it an incredibly unbearable l-o-o-n-n-g movie. Can't wait is usually what you want people to say before going to a movie; not what to you want them to say because it's so long already.

Woman spies man spieing her via elevator mirrors

Woman on elevator tempted to yell "Boo! I can see you!" at man staring at her via elevator mirror. Fortunately elevator stopped at his floor before things got really awkward.

Irritating song nearly causes accident

While listening to radio, an irritating song came on; local woman nearly fell on her face in the middle of changing clothes because she couldn’t reach the radio to change the station fast enough. Fortunately no harm was done and she was able to avoid embarrassing herself from having to explain any potential exposed bruises.

Co-worker spikes value of anti-nausea products

Swaying co-worker makes anti-nausea products like Gravol stock rise in value as others around her attempt to avoid getting nauseous with the constant swaying. Even after being spoken to by different people, co-worker doesn’t get it. Stop swaying; it stirs up nausea.

Local woman wonders if graffiti artists get carpel tunnel syndrome

After spray painting two small tables black, woman wonders if graffiti artists suffer from carpel tunnel syndrome from holding down the spray nozzle all the time. Because, really, it kind of smarts to keep that nozzle down for a while.

Hungover tenants stay quiet for wrong reason

Woman who had to tell lower apartment dwellers to keep it down during their drunken country music fest suspects they were particularly quiet the next day not so much out of courtesy to their apartment neighbours, but more so due to wicked hangovers.