Local woman considers carrying sign to seek out heavy breathing old guy

After discussing an experience involving a heavy breathing older guy who made a bee-line to interrupt local woman on bench at the beach, local woman considers actually bringing along cardboard sign that reads "seeking heavy breathing old guy" to see if they might (and hopefully) fall into the category of when you're looking for one, they're never around.

Stoneware chef switches terms greasy and unclean to "seasoning" to make it more appealing

Guest at a chef function finds herself weary and turned off when she realizes what makes stoneware food tasty is by "seasoning" the stoneware with grease and not washing it. Basically, it comes down to some clever (and dirty) chef decided that by changing the description of something greasy and unclean to "seasoned" it sounds more appealing and acceptable. Sorry, not falling for it. Greasy and dirty is greasy and dirty I don't care how you try to disguise it. Seasoning? Really? So if you don't clean your floors and you drop stuff on it, doesn't that make the floor "seasoned"?

Former landlady employs high hopes by using monk to deal with crumbling house

Former tenant suspects former landlady of dealing with flooding basement and crumbling house after all the rain by tossing rubber ducky, toy boat, and a monk down in the basement. That’s right. A monk. Same landlady is probably hoping monk will save her house instead of actually doing the work to fix it.

Woman makes mad dash to get on bus

Woman makes mad dash for bus against the light on busy street. Onlooker wonders why on earth would someone be so excited as to risk their life to get on public transit. It's just a bus. Nothing exciting there, just other people trying to reason why they were so eager to get on the bus.

Local woman feels need to nap after taking in fumes from wino

After standing in line behind person reeking of alcohol, woman feels need to have a nap. Woman wonders if she and wino lady who stood in front of her had nap at the same time afterwards in different places. Meanwhile, in another part of the city, woman sitting on balcony wonders if boy shouting out for “Markus” finally found him. Perhaps Markus was taking a wine induced nap as well.

Pastry crumb nearly takes out worker

After eating a few bites of an imported pastry treat, crumb gets lodged in worker’s throat and nearly takes her out. Just when worker thought she got control of crumb, crumb decides it wasn’t quite done with her yet and went for another round. Upon thinking that a mere crumb almost took her out, worker takes gulp of beverage to wipe out crumb. Finally, the crumb subsided and allowed worker to carry on. In related news, worker considers originating cause of co-workers incessant throat clearing.

Sibling shudders at thought of "gift" video from clueless brother

Sibling has nightmares of potential video that pregnant sister-in-law will more than likely create for birth of baby in months to come. Frightening images of potential video came to her mind after recalling so-called “wedding” video, which was more like 45 minute make out session. Other siblings cringe at thought of two part video that includes conception. People, really! Nobody wants to see that; far less recorded images of it playing over and over.