Worker suspects employee died of embarrassment

Since worker informed another employee that her skirt was caught in her underwear, worker doesn’t recall seeing that employee in the company hallways for months. Worker suspects employee may have gone home and actually died of embarrassment. Worker never heard of anyone actually dying of embarrassment before, but considering the employee, it’s a possibility for a first.

Dr. Oz audience member too excited to receive lame prize

Audience member in Dr. Oz show got way too excited to get called up on stage to feel up dead organs and receives lame prize to keep bowel running regularly. Viewer suspects audience member confused by watching Oprah and Ellen shows where the audience members actually get fun stuff; not cheap stuff you can pick up in the grocery every day. Who knew answering questions about regular bowel movements could get one so excited. Freaks.

Announcer botches real fire notice; not surprising

Seeing as how when the company does standard fire drills where the announcer usually botches up the announcements anyway, it didn't come as a real surprise to working occupants when a real fire occurred that the announcer completely panicked and instructed everyone to get out now! Panic, really. Fortunately, people left the building in a relatively organized fashion.

Friends race back home from races

While just getting out of one major traffic jam, friends make it to another highway in time for different traffic jam. The ladies just made it in time to see one horse race before racing back home to get ready for something else. Fortunately ride home was more obstacle free.

Cyclist noticed for wrong reason

Instead of noticing cyclist on road due to flashing light or reflective materials, other driver notices cyclist because driver ahead had to swerve to avoid hitting him at last minute. That’s not the way to get noticed; one step too close to saying “I noticed a cyclist get hit this morning”.

Man runs for shoe on highway

Driver observed man running on side of highway and wondered if he's the one that keeps losing a shoe on the side of the highway. Man must've been running out of shoes to go back and actually pick it up this time.

Drunken music fest switched out with quick drunken song -- upstairs tenant thankful

Downstairs neighbours who usually have their drunken Wednesday night loud country music fest passed on this week’s fest (Amen!!). Instead, on Tuesday night, the husband had a quick drunken singing moment to an Air Supply song, followed by his wife shouting. Upstairs tenant was very thankful for brief display of drunken singing instead of disturbing all night event.

Hefty pedestrians try to get in shape at wrong time

Driver noticed some hefty pedestrians doing a sluggish attempt to run across busy roads while the light was against them. Not a good time to decide to get in shape, people.

Blogger running out of entertaining entries

Blogger comes to realization that she's running out of entertaining entries when she realized that she was about to post a lame bit on finding a stranger's sock while losing one of hers doing laundry. Blogger decides she needs to get out more.

Really long sci-fi movie gets even longer

Really long sci-fi movie makes headlines by stating it will be re-released with more material, making it an incredibly unbearable l-o-o-n-n-g movie. Can't wait is usually what you want people to say before going to a movie; not what to you want them to say because it's so long already.

Woman spies man spieing her via elevator mirrors

Woman on elevator tempted to yell "Boo! I can see you!" at man staring at her via elevator mirror. Fortunately elevator stopped at his floor before things got really awkward.

Irritating song nearly causes accident

While listening to radio, an irritating song came on; local woman nearly fell on her face in the middle of changing clothes because she couldn’t reach the radio to change the station fast enough. Fortunately no harm was done and she was able to avoid embarrassing herself from having to explain any potential exposed bruises.

Co-worker spikes value of anti-nausea products

Swaying co-worker makes anti-nausea products like Gravol stock rise in value as others around her attempt to avoid getting nauseous with the constant swaying. Even after being spoken to by different people, co-worker doesn’t get it. Stop swaying; it stirs up nausea.

Local woman wonders if graffiti artists get carpel tunnel syndrome

After spray painting two small tables black, woman wonders if graffiti artists suffer from carpel tunnel syndrome from holding down the spray nozzle all the time. Because, really, it kind of smarts to keep that nozzle down for a while.

Hungover tenants stay quiet for wrong reason

Woman who had to tell lower apartment dwellers to keep it down during their drunken country music fest suspects they were particularly quiet the next day not so much out of courtesy to their apartment neighbours, but more so due to wicked hangovers.

Employee envisions smelly lunch room shake down

Employee who sits near lunch room envisions strolling into the lunch room armed with two canisters of air deodorizer and the soundtrack to the "Good, Bad and the Ugly" playing in the background to clear the air of nasty lunch smells, spraying at anyone who looks guilty of having a stinky lunch ... particularly fish and stale broccoli. Knowing that move wouldn’t work out so well, she just sprayed around her cubicle area instead.

Woman picks treated banana over organic

After biting into an organic banana, woman suddenly feels like she’d rather have the chemically treated “regular” store banana she got used to, finding that the organic banana tasted “strange”.

Groovy song ends up making driver shudder at thought

While sitting in her car grooving along to a catchy song about a one night stand, the driver suddenly shuddered at the thought that somewhere out there a pageant mom will probably use that song – or something inappropriately like it -- to make her toddler do inappropriate dance steps to. (Shudder, shudder.)

'Jesus' bumper sticker makes driver say 'Jesus'

While driving behind a van that kept putting on the breaks on the highway, driver behind calls 'Jesus' out loud, but not for the religious reasons intended by the driver ahead.

Coffee taster dislikes choices

During coffee taste test, one taster didn’t like any of the choices for the office coffee blend. Then it occurred to her: she just didn’t like the taste of coffee.

Local woman nears tantrum status in kids' department

Local woman almost had a temper tantrum and swore under her breath in the kids’ section of IKEA after an employee told her that’s where she could find popsicle trays, but they were nowhere to be found. Part of the tantrum was due to the fact she had to make her way all through the store again to get to the check outs where another employee had told her that’s where the popsicle trays were, but they weren’t there either. People, if you have popsicle trays to sell, just put them in the frickin area with all the other kitchen stuff because THAT's where you make and keep frickin popsicles.

Sketchy character prompts different rendition of childhood song

After turning her car around from observing a sketchy character looming in front of a questionable apartment building, a woman who was about to inspect a possible apartment for rent envisioned a more ghetto version of the friendly, childhood song "people in your neighbourhood". Fuh shizzle y'all.

Man chooses to risk getting hit by car over coffee spillage

Man takes his life into drivers hands as he slowly crosses a busy street against the light with coffee and donut in hand. In a strange balance of decisions, it seems the option of waiting for the light to change did not appear a rational choice to him. Perplexing.

Coffee & donut mobility problem hits another part of town

Coffee and donut mobility problem continues in another part of town. Woman on subway makes move to get out of train first, but then holds everyone back as she moves slowly down the path in the middle so as not to spill her coffee or drop her donut.

Possible new opening at zoo?

After reading about a 41-year-old rhino that had to be corralled back into it's zoo quarters,because it got loose due to someone not securing the gate, reader suspects there might be a new opening at a zoo in Jacksonville, Florida. One of the key qualifications to be noted on application is "check locks on gate get locked", not just "check locks on gate".
Check out the story at: Archie the Rhino

Man distracts wife with large bag of chips

Elderly man in grocery store line up tried to sneak large “family size” bag of chips onto checkout belt, failing miserably as his wife shot him a suspicious look and onlookers giggled at his sad attempt. However, bag of chips turned out to be distraction to chocolate bars he weaseled into purchase without wife noticing. Clever.

Man suspected of checking nose hairs in elevator mirror

Man in elevator stands so close to mirrored elevator door, witness suspects he was looking to see if he had any nose hairs looming out of his nose. Maybe he had a meeting to go to or about to approach a woman he likes. Whatever. Guy, go check it out in the BATHROOM, not the EL-E-VATOR.

Office air good enough to be anti-persperant

Dry "quality" corporate office air and old pair of contacts have woman briefly thinking this kind of dryness would work much better as underarm deodorant protection the way it dries out eyes.

New meaning to relationship phrase brought on by supportive garments

Article about Cougars increasing sales for lingerie brings to mind that all those supportive padded undergarments look great with clothes on. However, they also bring a new meaning to the phrase “we’ll see where things go” when supportive garments eventually come off in the bedroom.

Lunch, bathroom style

Some people's children don't understand about good food practices. After witnessing woman who works on the same floor bringing food into the bathroom, witness couldn’t help but to suggest not resting it in the main bathroom area. After receiving an unappreciative look in response, witness figured that person isn’t likely to take good advice anyway. Go ahead! Eat your bathroom lunch, dirty girl. ... Yuck! Some people's children.

Lock your doors ... it might be Andy DIck

In other news, lock your front doors people. You never know when Andy Dick might walk in to your home and think he lives there. Apparently, he just strolled into someone's house as high as a kite thinking he belonged there.

Coworkers left in state of disbelief

Two coworkers looked at each other in disbelief as a man dressed in a suit several feet away hoarked loudly onto the sidewalk right at the main entrance. Coworkers left to wonder why anyone in a suit would draw attention to themselves that way. Nasty, suit guy! Nasty!

Tenant in awe of oblivious homeowner

Tenant finds herself in a state of awe and annoyance as to oblivious state of homeowner. Even though tenant found landlady also layered in multi-sweaters, landlady stated she didn't realize temperature in house was dropping rapidly while furnace continued to blow out cool air on cold nights. Tenant believes the only thing really going through landlady's head is "mmmep", unless told to think something else.

Man waiting at bus stop tries too hard to look cool

A middle-aged man waiting at bus stop tried too hard to look cool when he wore a stetson hat and leather jacket in warm weather. Unfortunately for middle-aged man, nobody told him the more you try to look cool standing at a bus stop, the sadder it appears. Psst, guy! You just can't look cool at a bus stop.

Locals suspect whereabouts for Vicky Pollard look-alike

Youthful character in neighbourhood who resembles TV character Vicky Pollard not seen in a while. Locals suspect she might have taken Vicky Pollard’s route to ‘involuntarily’ join a work camp for girls. Some might call this involuntary work camp for girls, juvenile detention.

Gangsta walk or not

Local woman ponders: is it a bad thing when you can’t determine if someone’s walking slightly “off” because they’re trying to look all “gangsta” or is it because they genuinely have a mobility problem?

Friends thankful loud talker got meal

While dining in a busy restaurant, two friends breathed a sigh of relief as a loud talker paused to read the menu. When another person joined the group at the loud talker's table, thought bubble appeared briefly that read "Cringe!" when he found the loud talker was among his friends. Other thought bubbles that appeared at the table when loud talker got meal were "Finally!!", "He's alright when he's not talking", and "Does anyone here actually KNOW this guy?"

Busy team interrupted by meeting to discuss how busy team is

A meeting was brought on by group supervisor to discuss how insanely busy the department is; adversely creating more of a push to meet pressing deadlines.

Time switch over affects more than just people

People weren’t the only ones feeling the effects of the time switch over for Daylight Savings Time. On the Monday following the time change, worker finds lunch room television not itself by only displaying stripes instead of the standard repetitive news stream.

Local woman discovers true meaning of high intensity hair colour

Local woman discovers true meaning of high intensity hair colour; you know it’s working when you feel it burning. Now she understand that it’s not so much called "high intensity" for the short colour time, actual colour, or shine, but more about the "on fire feeling" that makes it an intense experience.

Public transit rider makes dash for magazine stand

Public transit rider has moment of anguish as she realized she forgot two key things to take along during a transit ride – reading material and headphones. At the first sign of a magazine stand, public transit rider made mad dash to it so she could at least buy something to avoid eye contact from the other public transit riders trying to avoid eye contact ... and those aching for eye contact.

Flawed floormats irritates driver

After discovering the floor mat purchased for the driver’s side of her car was flawed, driver wonders: why would the manufacturer approve of a floor mat where the nibs to keep it in place are where the mat gets trimmed off? Do the designers actually drive or take transit to work? Who approves these things?

New type of single man dating show in works

Show representing single man looking for a woman to be his bride find themselves running out of hot boring single men try out-of-shape, hairy, sweaty man to represent the higher percentage of single American men desperate to date 20 women in one go. Oddly enough, out-of-shape, hairy, sweaty bachelor found to have more personality than previous hot boring bachelor. Despite personality improvement, problem discovered with the new bachelor is finding a woman not turned off by his two-fingered sweaty belly wipe.

Distraction catches on among work colleagues

A lack of attention and distraction catches on from one co-worker to others and back to the original work colleague, whose sudden ability to focus becomes distracted ... again.

Lack of pressure boosts mundane decisions to higher status

When not feeling pressure to get any projects done, other ridiculous decisions such as choosing between free water, a cheap vending machine beverage, or a more expensive vitamin-enhanced beverage from the store become more difficult suddenly.

Female customer cringes as old man stands too close in line

While at a check out in a drug store, a female customer cringed in line as an old man stood in her "snog zone". Even though the female customer attempted to create more space for herself, the old man denied the social clue and stepped back into the "snog zone". Before the female customer had a chance to say anything, it was her turn to get served. The old man continued on as clueless as before, not realizing how close he came to being told off.
Defining "snog zone": if you can turn around and the person behind you is close enough to kiss, that person is in your snog zone.

Old dentist not quite grumpy enough to retire

While waiting for a dental cleaning, a patient asked the receptionist if the senior dentist that runs the business was ready to retire yet. The receptionist hinted that the senior dentist had not yet reached maximum grumpiness to announce his retirement yet; his level of grumpiness remained consistent.

Hell-child relative, Hellion, spotted in mall

A relative of Hell-child, Hellion, was spotted in a mall screaming for pop and chips. Witnesses knew it couldn't be Hell-child's parents because the mother dropped everything and left the store with young Hellion to retain some dignity. Fortunately, no internal rotting occurred to nearby witnesses, just a brief ringing in the ears and a sudden urge for some pop and chips.

Wal-Mart customer meditates before shopping

At least one Wal-Mart customer acknowledged and accepted the fact that no matter how many check out lanes exist in a Super Wal-Mart, managers will only open less than half the existing check-outs at any given time. The customer found that slow breathing exercises to find an inner calmness aided significantly while standing in long lines at check-outs.

Tabloids over-use of the word "shocking" creates boredom

While standing in line at the check-out of a grocery store, customer finds an over-use of the word "shocking" gets boring and not shocking. The customer found that if tabloids stopped using the word shocking so routinely THAT would be shocking.

Corporation goes with musical offices to determine demotions

In a new and creative effort to figure out a way for managers to keep their jobs, get cut back, or demoted, a corporation has decided to use the principal behind musical chairs: when the music starts managers have to run to the nearest office, if the door of an office is locked when the music stops, that manager is either demoted or laid off -- depending on budgetary means.

Writer discovers ...

With more people developing ADD habits, writer ....

shorter is ...

... makes shorter stories to ...

... better

... keep people's attention.

Non-motivational supervisor inadvertently provides hope

During a conversation among work colleagues wondering how their non-motivational supervisor ever got that position, it inadvertently provided a small glimmer of hope that anyone of them could do that job or do better.

Yoga class turns into intimidation shake-down

While yoga students tried to breathe outward in a downward dog position then transition into an uncomfortable position, the yoga instructor stared down her students with a fierce intimidating stare as she stated, "what? Not uncomfortable enough for you?" When one student muttered under her breath to another student, the instructor responded with "I'm the instructor, nobody else gets to speak."

Applicant actually interested in job application

While researching new positions, job applicant actually found himself excited and interested in a new job posting. The applicant found himself contemplating what attitude he should demonstrate during potential interview, recalling that in some past interviews where he had real interest in the positions, he expressed too much "Christmas-face" causing him not to get the job. This time, applicant hopes to wow interviewers with just enough bitterness and cynicism to get in the door.

Clueless driver cuts off in-pursuit police car

While coming home from a grocery run, one witness noticed how a clueless driver cut in front of a police cruiser, almost hitting it, while it was in pursuit of another vehicle. The clueless driver was trying to get into a parking lot of a retail outlet when they almost hit the in-pursuit police cruiser. The police cruiser managed to pull over both vehicles, providing various sets of driving infraction fines to two drivers instead of just the one. Go whammy, go whammy, go! Double infraction, yes!

Customer thanks salesperson, but not sure why

During a sales transaction at a popular retail outlet, a customer rolled her eyes while listening to the two co-workers gossiping about someone who worked at a strip club while waiting for the sales associate to finish up the transaction. Even though the salesperson didn't provide any special service or barely acknowledged the customer, the customer thanked the sales associate anyway. As the customer left the store, she realized she had no idea why she thanked the sales associate and why the sales associate didn't thank her instead.

Email notice about usually ignored email goes unnoticed

Employees continued on undisturbed and uncaring about the news that the usually unnoticed weekly announcements would be sent out the following day instead of that day. When random employees were asked how the change affected them, some responded with, "Oh, we get those emails?" Others responded with "Oh yah. I usually see them pop up in my inbox, but I ignore them."

AGO visitor barraged with art questions by employee

While visiting the AGO for the first time since high school, the visitor suddenly found herself getting barraged with art questions by an AGO employee. While debating on if she should answer with something purposely ignorant like saying "pretty pictures" or saying something quasi-intelligent, the visitor made the mistake of responding with a quasi-intelligent response. However, quasi-intelligent response led to a barrage of further art questions. When visitor thought it would never end, she escaped by telling employee she had to find her friends.

Pharmaceutical drug poses more problems than it relieves

Pharmaceutical drug advertised in magazine informs in small print that it creates more unpleasant side-effects in order to relieve one problem. Some decide to take the chance that there will be another drug to relieve the side-effects of the side-effects.

Itchy girl sheds skin at employee meeting

During a company's all-employee meeting, an unknown employee felt the urge to shed her skin while the president spoke about promising futures. As the president spoke, itchy girl picked and itched while raising her top half-way up at one point. The employee continued to participate in other strange activities, such as glugging back a bottle of water and stretching back on the chair with arms wide open as the president continued to speak in plain view. Employees who sat behind this unusual character shared looks of disbelief among each other while others remained completely unaware.

'Hell-child' visits Chapters

Customers in Chapters were both in awe and fiercely annoyed at the same time as a child, who some referred to as 'hell-child', ran around Chapters shouting and yelling incoherent blurts of nothingness. His parents were nowhere to be seen. Some suspected they were hiding in the aisles somewhere, avoiding getting a right clout in the back of their heads for letting their kid run rampant through the store annoying everyone. Although the parents might have just thought "oh, how cute!" while everyone else glared and stared at the child who was suspected of wearing a shiny devil costume underneath his beige chinos and mild-mannered top. One witness felt as though her ovaries just curled up and rotted at the noise he made.