Local woman tempted to bring bag of clothes to work

Local woman considers bringing bag of clothes with her to work because despite checking the weather reports the night before to determine what to wear, the next day the weather was not close to what the forecast called for. The only saving grace the weather folks had was by not calling a major snow storm. The only advice one could go with is be prepared and the only way to do that these days is bringing a bag of clothes to work with you so you can dress for the freezing office, the wind factor outside the building, and the actual weather despite the forecast. In related story, due to weather confusion, people found walking about on streets in weather coma. Man from balcony bewildered as he saw people mill about below with heavy jackets on warm night that in April people would have been wearing shorts.

Co-workers debate over which slutty rehab “Monster” doll to use for a bizarre cubicle tea party

After considering what kind of odd things to put in cubicles to keep people at bay, co-workers debated over which slutty rehab “Monster” doll they’d include for a bizarre tea party along with dolls that have teeth and, who could forget, cross-dressing Ken doll to balance things out. Upon reviewing which slutty rehab doll to include, co-workers agreed the slutty dolls cost more than what they would be worth on the street. Although it looks more like “Look what the cat dragged in the next morning after a rough night" doll it would have been more difficult for marketers to sell it, instead they went with Monster High Doll. Although “Rehab” or “Working the Streets” doll might also have been easy on the tongue, a bit trickier to sell. Note this doll is marketed towards 6-year-olds. Really. That's what it says.

Employee that quit put on email list for former boss' farewell lunch

Employee who decided he wasn't returning to work gets put on email list to sign going away card for former boss. Former co-workers considered calling up ex-employee to see if he wanted farewell words put in card on his behalf and possibly sign it with "tender care, xx".

Employee considers adding child-sized furniture to small cubicle space

Employee in corporate building considers getting child-sized stool and table to put in small cubicle to make it seem as though cubicle is much bigger than it is. Employee also considers it also might keep people from random drop-ins. Upon second thought, employee realized it might actually invite the unwanted and decided to not add more to already small cubicle space.

Goth girl in full black get up makes animals feel hot

Goth girl goes for full on all over black get-up on trip to zoo on warm day – wearing black long-sleeved shirt, black skirt, black (sweating just saying it) leggings, and of course black boots. Some of the animals must’ve been thinking, “Ugh! You’re making me hot just looking at you. Can’t you at least wear some black shorts or skip the leggings?”

Witnesses at another zoo tempted to tell husband to "run now!"

Pregnant woman snapped her fingers at a lion to make it "do something". Pregnant woman was annoyed that the lion wasn't taking her on and it continued to laze in the sun, safely behind the fence. Witnesses instantly felt bad for baby’s father and were tempted to tell him to “run now!”, but they were probably too late at this point. Pretty sure nobody would blame him if he did.

Person loses shirt at Toronto Zoo.

While walking along path just after forking over cash to get in the zoo, woman notices shirt on trail. The shirt must’ve been lost after seeing the price of beverages at the vending machines. Wha-cha! At least they kept their pants on; or at least there was no sign of pants on the pathway.

Customer at service desk discovers her invisibility shield malfunctioned

While getting served at a check out desk to sign up for cooking classes, other customers seemed to keep moving themselves in front of the woman getting served. Even though the clerk could see the woman she was serving, it seemed that some customers were experiencing some kind of blinded shield in thinking that nobody was in front of the clerk and kept coming in front of the woman while in the midst of the transaction. Apparently the woman’s invisibility button was malfunctioning for those times when she didn’t want to be noticed to times when she needed to be noticed.

Grub master unintentionally prompts woman to be really early for work

Woman in medium-rise apartment building finding that she’s forced to leave for work early due to having similar schedules of departure to that of a man who also lives in the building, who smells like dirt, old cigarettes, and a whiff of sniff, sniff - what is that really? Old Vienna? Colt 45? -- some kind of cheap beer. After trying to leave a few minutes later on a test run to change departure time, woman found that she still ended up sharing the elevator with the grub master. So, after leaving even earlier, woman discovered she was not running into grub master in the elevator and had peaceful morning elevator rides. By not having to share the same elevator also means she won’t be tempted to respond to his out loud comments on his sad life, by responding with something like, “ Hey, try not to smell like dirt, you might get farther. Try showering … with soap even.” In a weird turn of events, the grub master is almost doing woman a favor by smelling like dirt, old cigarettes, and the cheapest beer on the planet because there’s a lesser chance she’ll be late for work by leaving really early to avoid sharing elevator space with him.

Lost driver goes wrong way on corporate driveway; guilty driver pulls over without police prompting

After lost driver enters driveway to a corporate building in the wrong direction, people sitting outside weren’t completely surprised to find out she was lost. Witnesses to the incident discussed that she probably didn't use Google Maps and the fact that she drove up the wrong side of the roadway didn't inspire much hope that she would think to use it or a GPS for that matter. In related driving news, later on the same day, an older man driving a beige sedan must've been feeling guilty about something because when a police cruiser approached closer in the lane beside him, before the cruiser even put the lights on, the man in the sedan stopped the car, got out, and knelt down on the ground with his hands up. Possibility that man in sedan felt guilty for having taught the lost driver how to drive badly.

Local man realizes it's mildly dangerous to make eye contact with others in the city

While at a coffee shop ordering coffee in downtown area, local man who usually enjoys people watching felt he was being stared at. When man looked around, he became victim of receiving death stare. Local man quickly darted eyes away to ward off extended death glare. Meanwhile, in a rural area engineers going door to door to introduce themselves are allowed into strangers homes, even though the people have NO IDEA who they are. Woman who lives at edge of suburbia finds it so weird that someone would actually a) not only answer their door not knowing who's there, but b) to actually let them in too. That's just crazy talk.

Song about payphone prompts memory about an unfortunate payphone moment

New song by Maroon 5 about someone at a payphone prompts memory of two girls overhearing a man screaming at a woman on the other end of the phone, calling her all sorts of 'loving' nicknames like bitch and other loving names after she locked him out of the house. After calling her 'adoring' names and threatening her didn't work, he then resorted to yelling that he loved her. The two girls didn't really believe him. From what the guy was yelling, it sounded like the woman on the other end didn't quite believe him either. Come to think of it, most moments involving payphones don't usually have good outcomes.

Local woman accidentally finds where hookers shop

While trying out a new store to find a dress, local woman turned a corner and suddenly found the section where local hookers may be finding their garb. Local woman turned back around and kept going.

Reformed seagull seeking better quality discarded scraps.

On a really windy day, a large chair cushion took flight from an apartment balcony. Nearby seagull in flight was nearly knocked over by the airborne cushion. After seagull squawked out to cushion, seagull did a double take at strange flying object and squawked to itself as is if to say “Whoah! I really need to get off those discarded street drugs and garbage.” Seagull currently undergoing reformation to seek out better quality scraps for lifestyle change.

Woman wanting excuse to be late unintentionally ends up with valid reason

Woman getting ready for work considers different methods of trying to avoid getting into work on time while having a valid excuse of being late. As it turns out, somebody on the highway already thought of that ahead of her as woman gets stuck in traffic anyway due to a fire on the highway.

Workers get closer to figuring out why rank odors coming from lunchroom

After two weeks of some seriously rank odors coming out of the lunchroom in a corporate building, people who have to sit near the lunch room get a possible clue as to what the source may have been. Apparently someone in the lunchroom didn’t actually bother to read the contents of the book “Cooking with Poo” to find that it’s about cooking with crab and not actually microwaving the bio waste. Colleagues can barely dare to think of what kind of bio smells the person must create on a regular basis eating what he/she does.

Lazy waitress tips herself

After dining at a nice restaurant, lazy waitress decides to tip herself by not bringing the change back to the customer; disappearing from sight. Customer sensed there was something wrong with the waitress earlier on when she smelled something wafting ever so lightly from the waitress, but couldn't determine the actual scent until after. While driving home, customer realized the smell coming off the waitress was eau du lazy. Meanwhile, at the restaurant, other servers are a bit befuddled as to how the lazy waitress gets such great tips for ignoring her customers.

Finger puppets just as effective in not solving workflow issues, but more fun

Corporate managers decide to hide inability to answer direct questions by attempting to distract group with making lots of department meetings and “team building functions” that address everything but actual issues posed to them by department members. As it turns out, finger puppets are just as or possibly slightly more effective in not solving workflow issues, but are more entertaining in their ability to not resolve issues. Additionally, finger puppets prefer quicker distraction methods, such as the surprise pop-up at the corner of a cubicle and wiggle distraction.

Employees miss repeating news on lunchroom screen

Employees find that although the reboot message and/or the stripes appearing on the TV screen in corporate lunchroom are strangely eye catching, employees actually miss seeing the same news entries repeated over and over again along with the incorrect or outdated weather; 'this just in ... again' news stream has been interrupted and replaced with a stationary reboot message; it just sits there with the cursor blinking, staring, and waiting ... anyone?

Delusions of youth and grandeur overtake men's brains

Delusions of grandeur overtake man driving modern day station wagon (now referred to as a “cross-over” vehicle for those who don’t want to acknowledge they are driving a family-style car), making him think he's "all that" while he tail gates and cuts off people in traffic.
In related news of delusions, man getting into elevator of residential building thinks he is 70’s porn star acting as postal worker. Woman sharing elevator was certain the only part of the 70’s postal worker had with him was the tired smell of old alcohol and cigarettes wafting off him, and that if you shook him dust from the 70’s would probably come loose.

Residential area hookers debate who will represent at community meeting

Residential area hookers discuss amongst themselves if one of them will attend community meeting about hookers on inapproriate street corners in Toronto suburb -- near elementary school. Neighbours in area hope hookers might plan walk out if forced to new corner.

Raccoon shares same attitude as home owner

Raccoon breaks into garage over night. A couple days later, when owner whose attitude is usually described as 'meh' opened garage to put turned over garbage back in bin, raccoon hanging out in garage barely acknowledged owner, giving her his own rendition of 'meh'.

Local man considers drawback to getting neck tattoo for career change element

After taking a trip out to Eastern Canada and checking out the white "gangstas" hanging out in parking lots of independently owned gas stations, local man considers a change in career to possibly become a gangsta himself. Apart from the change in clothing style to wearing flannel pants in public and having his own hours, the main drawback he considered was how is mother would handle it if he were to get a tattoo on his neck. Or would she expect him to put "Mom" on the neck tattoo? Of course, if he chose to change careers again, it would be awfully hard to hide that tattoo.

Employee working in corporate building considering bringing in own toilet paper

Even though a corporate building completely renovated two bathrooms for one of the companies occupying it with self-flushing toilets, hands-free sinks and soap dispensers, along with super powerful hand dryers, unfortunately the cost seems to have had an effect on the standard of toilet paper being stocked in the bathrooms across the board. Even though the quality of the bathroom has gone up, the toilet paper quality has gone down to mere sandpaper-like cheap paper. Employee wonders if other co-workers may secretly be considering bringing in better quality paper, but don't want to admit the toilet paper is a killer on the butt.

Tenant uncertain if actual beeping alarm woke her or if it was the neighbours below

Upon bolting out of sleep state, tenant wasn’t entirely sure if it was the sound of her alarm clock beeping or the people in the apartment below that woke her in the morning. While the arguing sounds were effective, tenant wondered if there was a way to change the sound of their arguing to something a bit more pleasing to wake to?
Tenant really needs to get a move on buying sound muffling rug for bedroom.

Driver suspects sandwich shop posted sign in literal sense

On the way to work, a driver noticed a posting on a sandwich store sign that read “Visa, MasterCard taken here”. Driver imagined the expression on customers faces if sandwich shop was being literal because most shops accept major credit cards, they don't usually take them. Driver decided she wouldn't be using her credit card at that sandwich shop anyway; just something sketchy about the place and wouldn't doubt if they actually DID take credit cards.

Woman suspects man warding off vampires

Woman suspected man getting into elevator must be trying to ward off vampires with the amount of garlic fumes that were emanating off of him. Either that or he was partaking in some kind of vampire slayer fun and games day involving a garlic dousing competition. From the stench of garlic, it is very possible he got his vampire because even a non-vampire was ready to flee from the stench. Woman in elevator was partially relieved when stinky garlic man got off the elevator before she did. Unfortunately, garlic funk remained in elevator and woman had to hold breath for another two floors.

IKEA shopper tempted to make random announcement

IKEA shopper tempted to make announcement: Attention IKEA shoppers! Why? Not for any other reason than to wake them from stopping in middle of aisles. Shopper suspects those are the same people that stop on the highway to stare at the lonesome shoe tossed off on the side, make everyone s-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-w-w right down and then carry on after creating a line of traffic.

Pedestrian chooses to talk over attempt to catch bus

Instead of getting off the phone and making proper effort to catch a bus, pedestrian chooses to stay on phone, make half-arse effort run across a busy street, risking getting hit by cars for connecting bus that doesn't know pedestrian is making half-arse run to it. Chances are conversation wasn't as important or stimulating as pedestrian thought it was, and bus driver probably only made half-arse attempt to wait for anyone catching the connecting bus. Pedestrian continued talking while waiting for the next bus.

City resident considers long drive to gather snowballs

City condo resident that lives above pub considers driving out to the country to gather snowballs to put in cooler to take back to the city in order to toss snowballs at after hour pub goers. The one thing that is making the Condo resident seriously considering going for the long drive is the anticipation of seeing the bewildered and befuddled looks on drunken after hour pub goers when they get hit by snowballs, especially if there is no snow on the ground in the city to possibly get hit with.

Facebook members shudder over crazy people in their past

Facebook member realizes making it hard for people to find her on facebook would actually show her who the more stalker-like or crazy people are to find her over the more normal people she knew. It's those stalker-like/crazy people who would find you in the end because they spend all that time ... well ... stalking. And the ones who give up sooner are either less talented at stalking or decide it's too much work to stalk.
In related news, another facebook member got curious and looked up some crazy people he once knew. Upon seeing that they still seemed crazy, he got a bit freaked out at both being part of their lives again and almost as if they had seen him looking at them. He clicked back home, breathed a sigh of relief that they did not actually see him checking out their facebook pages, and they remained blissfully unaware.

Show off driver on slippery road demonstrates what not to do

During the drive in to work on a slippery winter road, driver realizes someone is honking at him to go faster. While driver moves forward, not bothered by car that wants to go faster, honking driver decides to show off his lack of mobility skills by spinning out. Way to show people how not to drive, honking driver; he really taught everyone a valuable lesson ... on what not to do.

Pedestrian challenges sensibility and oncoming traffic

On a dark winter morning, a pedestrian in all black outfit decides to challenge sensibility by not just running onto icy and snowy road, but stopping in lane of oncoming traffic. Fortunately for pedestrian, car that could have run into pedestrian managed to evade her and another car managed to evade the car evading the pedestrian. Even after car swerved to avoid running over pedestrian, driver noticed in mirror that the pedestrian remained standing there. Sensibility note: there's less chance of getting hit by a car if one does NOT run out in front of moving cars only to stop and stand on a busy road.

Houses on cleaning products TV ads only seem to get patches of clean spots

While watching a TV ad for a cleaning product, viewer realizes those houses never really get full cleaned, they only have patches of cleanliness. Viewer would not want to live in, or even visit for that matter, a house where there are only clean patches; they never seem to actually clean the whole area in those houses riddled with dirt, scum, and all kinds of grease stains. It's really not necessary to leave back the dirt, grease and the like to see that the product cleans it up; it either will or it won't do the job.